Ammamma

Ammamma in Pragathi resort

Ammamma was a strong woman, always energetic, caring, and had been a best provider all through her life. I always feel blessed to have spent my childhood days with ammamma in Guntur. With all the love and affection of ammamma and Jani pinni I never felt the dearth of my parents. In fact I never wanted to go back to Kurnool with my parents when it was time. Such was the foster that I experienced which left a deep imprint of memories of ammamma and I still cherish them.     

I strongly remember the moments I spent with ammamma although I was only around 2 years old. Watching ‘Giant Robot’ on TV every evening at 5 pm followed by gazing at the train through the living room window with ammamma on my side, those outdoor baths when she used to put rock salt in my mouth to soothe the eye inflammation by soap nuts, backing me when I destroyed the clay Brahmin toy by soaking it in the rain and hit the carpenter ants with the broom, collected all the paper train tickets for me to play the train game with neighbor’s kids, her panic when I locked myself in the bathroom and cried, sneaking gavvalu into my mouth when I was punished by Jani pinni for not reciting the Telugu rhymes, backing me when I hid under the bedsheet and played sick, sleeping on ammamma’s side under the stars during power outages,  praising me though I peeled almost half of the mango along with the skin for avakaya, squeezing fresh orange juice for me from the naarinjas of the backyard tree, helping me collect the ice from hail storms, scolding Kumar annayya for pulling my trousers down, protecting me possessively when someone said I was looking cute are only a few sweet memories among many others. 

      

To me, childhood and early 20s are the only times when you 
find close knit friends or experience emotional relationships and I was again lucky to spend 4 more years with ammamma and tatayya during my bachelors. They were in late 60s at that time but ammamma never let that limit her actions. As always she did everything to me what a mom does to her son. My day wouldn’t pass unless I slept by her side and held her hand for a few minutes after waking up every morning. She would prepare coffee for me and hot water for shower followed by a two-course breakfast. During semester exams she prepared sunnundalu and gave me one for each exam wishing me good luck. She would send me off every morning by standing on the porch until I was beyond vicinity and waved at me. Just to see her one more time I used to take the longer route, looked back and waved at her. In the evenings she constantly fed both me and my friends while we were studying. Though she hates eggs she wouldn’t hesitate to scramble them for me when I didn’t like the dinner menu. 

Me with ammamma in 2002

 All through her life she only knew how to love, care and provide for tatayya and others. But she remained strong after tatayya’s loss. She loved tatayya so much that it left reminders of tatayya on her subconscious mind. Her thoughts about him dominated her master conscious mind that led to her occasional inquiry about him. It was a very confused state as she neither understood why tatayya is not coming back nor had an answer on when he will return.  She burrowed her heartfelt pain, never expressed to anyone and proved strong once again. I cannot imagine myself in her place and handle such immense stress.  This is my interpretation of her feelings when I put myself in her situation. On the other hand, both ammamma and tatayya were very fortunate to have caring, devoted and affectionate sons and daughters. I feel that they lived their full life in the luxury of love and comfort without illness. With utmost respect I bow down to peddamamayya and peddattha for taking such good care of ammamma and tatayya. They will always stand as ideal son and daughter-in-law in my heart. I’m confident that I won’t find anyone else who can be better than them. 

Ammamma and Tatayya

I gathered so many unforgettable memories of ammamma. However I still feel her lack. Whenever I spoke to her on a video call she asked me to visit her. I regret for not being able to spend more time with her and the regret will remain with me forever. All I can do now is to cherish the precious memories that I amassed. My request to our family’s Generation Z grandkids is to spend quality time with your grandparents whenever you get a chance whether you are living together or vacationing. Talk to them, feel and observe them, kiss and hug them, express your love, document their childhood memories through audio, video or photo albums, ask what they did when they were your age, let them feed you to your mouth or do whatever you think will connect you together. The power of love will reach a distant shore and touch a heart. And that is all the grandparents wish from their grandkids. This might sound filmy to you but trust me, you cannot bring back time and if you don’t utilize this opportunity you will have to feel the regret for the rest of your lives. And it speaks out from my own experience.

I cannot get over the thought of ammamma’s loss. But ammamma always wanted everyone to be happy, healthy and wealthy. I cannot bring her back. So I will try to cherish her memories and celebrate her happy life going forward.